I was listening intently to NPR this morning and I heard about a woman in Libya who was attacked and raped by multiple assailants - one of them was an officer in the military. (!). Poor woman, the military rep tried to explain it away, saying the woman was a prostitute and that "everyone in the city knew who he was. Suggesting that she asked to be gang raped. The incident went virile because after the incident the woman fled to a hotel where she knew there would be American reporter. You go girl! I wanted to go through the radio and slap the stew out of that pig who had made that comment about her.
After I got over the ire I felt about this story, I began to think about a DV incident I had had about a year ago with my live-in. Basically the long and the short of it is that I had had his kids and my kids in the house for several days and we had a flood (leak). The landlord was working on the issue and, since it was summertime, it was boiling in the house. BF was working when it happened. Landlord sent some people over, yadda, yadda, yadda. .. I felt that BF came home thinking I was supposed to live in that situation (ht, funky) and I didn't feel he had too much sympathy for me or his teenage daughter. So, when the landlord volunteered a nice cool, pool-inclusive hotel for the duration of the time, I jumped on the opportunity! So, next day, boyfriend goes to a weekend gig, and when he gets home, the same thing happens. So, I say to his teenage daughter, "once I get the arrangements made for this hotel, ya'll come go with me (meaning the younger son and, of course, my two kids as well. BF falls asleep (high on weed) and we go out the back door. Because of course everyone had their bags packed ahead of time.
Anyhoo, we go on out the back door and drive 30 minutes away to the hotel. Wonderful. We get in the pool, I get a beverage and a cigarette and it's easy street for the rest of the night. Well, when BF wakes up we're gone and he's a cussing, high, drunk lunatic. (click) I keep hanging the phone up on him because I refuse to listen to that smutt talk. Ringgg. Ringgg. What the &^*%!!!! (Click. Again. Click. Again. Click. Same thing goes on for several ours. Children's mama comes over. We get in the pool. She brings food and snacks. Awesome. Fool keeps calling. Now everybody gets to listen to him on speakerphone.
9:30 p.m. - Time to order pizza. We wait an hour for the delivery. No go on the pizza. They screwed up the order. Order a new pizza, feed the kids. Make a promise to pick up the BF. Fall asleep. He calls back in the morning. I finally come get him in the afternoon. He had trashed my house, broken hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise, put his fist through a double-paned glass mosaic. Blood was everywhere. Mama and Mama's mama came along for the ride and witnessed the entire incident. He refused to talk, was hateful and hostile and never said one word to me. He pushed me over the decompressor machine sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor and I tripped over it.
He pushes me out of the door, follows me to the car. I hurreidly get in and lock the door before he can make his way over to the driver's side door, and I lock the door. He punches the windshield and I see the glass shatter right in front of me. He gets in the car, pulls my transmission out of gear, snatches off my wig and throws in into the nearby woods. Mama and Mama's Mama are aghast. Mama's mama tries to calm him down, and says, "Just leave." I drive to the nearby police station and park. I call the police when I get there. I am shaking like a leaf. Mama's mama and mama meet me at the police station and I file a complaint. They drive back over to the house (just up the road) to investigate. When it is all over, BF is in cuffs, I am crying and the police are all through the house like white on rice.
I couldn't get my car to run once I parked it at the police station. I had to get it towed. Now I didn't even have a car to drive. What a mess! Now what do I do? I feel ashamed, hurt, lost, dazed and confused. I remember thinking, "What would make another human being treat another like this?" There is no reason for someone to treat another person this way. I never wanted to see him again. Ever. Love should never hurt and respect goes a long way.
So, ladies, now that I have shared this episode with you, I am here to tell you never compromise your standards. Don't stand for any disrespect. Ever. When he first disrespects you, leave and don't look back. Period.
God will bring you the man he wants you to have in his own time.
Peace.
