The Tide Will Fall

Heygirls!  It's just a few days away from the new year (2012) and I have had a revelation for several days... Get out now!  Time to move on with your life and mean it.  Time to look at yourself with new eyes and all the honesty and wisdom and love that God has given you and push through.  It is time for that breakthrough.   You don't need a man to fulfill your desires.  Men are cruel, impatient, strong-willed, vindictive, selfish and jealous.  You don't need them pushing you around and asserting their "authority" over you.  The one I'm with has recently taken a liking to the scripture supporting submissive wives.  (uh-uhn, ohn-no, first of all, I'm not your wife.)  Second of all, I keep telling this individual that the Bible requires for the man to be equally submissive to God.  This, I realize is an attempt at controlling me.  (Like he had done so many times in the past) to the unwitting women he abused over and over again.).  I am particularly bothered by his lack of conscious.  I have heard this individual say to me in response to a conflict, "You should do whatever necessary for a woman of faith to operate, and God will hold me accountable for what I do r don't do."  Well, that's true, but I have a hard time just watching an individual who has no empathy or understanding for other's feelings, no compassion and no heart for anyone.  Always looking to call a spade a spade if it is anyone else but him, but he has a hard time accepting what he's doing wrong.  That's likely the reason he has such an extensive criminal record.  This type of individual places all women in one pot, we're all here for the same reason (to provide him with pleasure and comfort).  I just got out of a relationship with one who was self absorbed, selfish and chauvinistic.  Boy, I can really attract these fools. One of these days I will meet a Christain man, a man of grace, who loves God and is patient, kind and enduring with a loving heart like Jesus and compassion for mankind.  Who is in love with Jesus, first and foremost, and in love with me, second.  Not some leper who is out to ride my coattails because he cannot stand up on his own two feet.  The same one who is always spouting, "I'm a man!" or "I'm the man of this house" is the same one who has had to rely upon me to pay bills, buy cigarettes, take care of financial setbacks, and bail him out of jail.  This I do not call a man, I call this a user and abuser.  If he were the kindest, sweetest, gentlest personality, I may be able to forgive some of the character flaws, but this individual is the meanest spirited person I have ever met.  He rarely picks up the Bible, and when he does, it's to underscore some twisted view on why men are superior, etc. to justify his barbaric behavior.  I have had this individual choke me for taking his little itty bitty marijuana joint.  This individual is a nasty pig, with no pride, who doesn't pick up after himself and who expects me to do all the cleaning and be sweet and innocent (and gullible) toward him.  He has the audacity to invite friends over, with no warning, and expect me to be alright with it.  I really haev no motivation left to do anything positive in this relationship.  I'm sick and tired of living in this reality.  Go, latch onto some other poor victim who doesn't know any better and thinks you can make her happy.  I certainly didn't know any better. Sure, when things are going well for him, he shows concern for me, but the wrath exercised by him, when things do not go his way or if I challenge him (Oh God).  I'm 45 years old and I deserve better.  I have been praying to God for the inner strength to guide me through the next phase of my life and to protect me and my kids as I think of some way to get out of this abusive relationship.  I have no job, no transportation and no relatives in this state.  I know my family would not approve of this relationship, seeing as though I am a highly educated, assertive woman.  I have let myself go because I don't have the funding to maintain my looks and health.  I need to get to the doctor and dentist.  I have headaches everyday that I am sure is related to the stress from this awful relationship.  I could've stayed in the horrible marriage I was in if I knew all of this would be in my future.  It's definitely not going to get any better.  What do I do?

Domestic Violence - Don't Stand For It

I was listening intently to NPR this morning and I heard about a woman in Libya who was attacked and raped by multiple assailants - one of them was an officer in the military. (!). Poor woman, the military rep tried to explain it away, saying the woman was a prostitute and that "everyone in the city knew who he was.  Suggesting that she asked to be gang raped.  The incident went virile because after the incident the woman fled to a hotel where she knew there would be American reporter. You go girl! I wanted to go through the radio and slap the stew out of that pig who had made that comment about her. 

After I got over the ire I felt about this story, I began to think about a DV incident I had had about a year ago with my live-in. Basically the long and the short of it is that I had had his kids and my kids in the house for several days and we had a flood (leak). The landlord was working on the issue and, since it was summertime, it was boiling in the house.  BF was working when it happened. Landlord sent some people over, yadda, yadda, yadda. .. I felt that BF came home thinking I was supposed to live in that situation (ht, funky) and I didn't feel he had too much sympathy for me or his teenage daughter.  So, when the landlord volunteered a nice cool, pool-inclusive hotel for the duration of the time, I jumped on the opportunity! So, next day, boyfriend goes to a weekend gig,  and when he gets home, the same thing happens. So, I say to his teenage daughter, "once I get the arrangements made for this hotel, ya'll come go with me (meaning the younger son and, of course, my two kids as well. BF falls asleep (high on weed) and we go out the back door. Because of course everyone had their bags packed ahead of time.

Anyhoo, we go on out the back door and drive 30 minutes away to the hotel.  Wonderful. We get in the pool, I get a beverage and a cigarette and it's easy street for the rest of the night. Well, when BF wakes up we're gone and he's a cussing, high, drunk lunatic. (click) I keep hanging the phone up on him because I refuse to listen to that smutt talk. Ringgg. Ringgg. What the &^*%!!!! (Click. Again. Click. Again. Click. Same thing goes on for several ours.  Children's mama comes over. We get in the pool. She brings food and snacks. Awesome. Fool keeps calling. Now everybody gets to listen to him on speakerphone.

9:30 p.m.  - Time to order pizza. We wait an hour for the delivery. No go on the pizza. They screwed up the order. Order a new pizza, feed the kids. Make a promise to pick up the BF. Fall asleep. He calls back in the morning. I finally come get him in the afternoon. He had trashed my house, broken hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise, put his fist through a double-paned glass mosaic. Blood was everywhere. Mama and Mama's mama came along for the ride and witnessed the entire incident. He refused to talk, was hateful and hostile and never said one word to me. He pushed me over the decompressor machine sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor and I tripped over it.

He pushes me out of the door, follows me to the car. I hurreidly get in and lock the door before he can make his way over to the driver's side door, and I lock the door. He punches the windshield and I see the glass shatter right in front of me. He gets in the car, pulls my transmission out of gear, snatches off my wig and throws in into the nearby woods. Mama and Mama's Mama are aghast.  Mama's mama tries to calm him down, and says, "Just leave." I drive to the nearby police station and park. I call the police when I get there. I am shaking like a leaf. Mama's mama and mama meet me at the police station and I file a complaint. They drive back over to the house (just up the road) to investigate.  When it is all over, BF is in cuffs, I am crying and the police are all through the house like white on rice.

I couldn't get my car to run once I parked it at the police station. I had to get it towed. Now I didn't even have a car to drive. What a mess! Now what do I do? I feel ashamed, hurt, lost, dazed and confused. I remember thinking, "What would make another human being treat another like this?" There is no reason for someone to treat another person this way. I never wanted to see him again. Ever. Love should never hurt and respect goes a long way.

So, ladies, now that I have shared this episode with you, I am here to tell you never compromise your standards. Don't stand for any disrespect. Ever. When he first disrespects you, leave and don't look back. Period.

God will bring you the man he wants you to have in his own time.

Peace. 

V3 - Have You Ever?

Hey, Maybe It's Not Such A Bad Idea After All..

How the hell do the smart women always get caught up with the bad boys??? Loneliness, always wantin to have a man to lean on, etc. What's the deal with that? Let me tell you girls something from experience - YOU
DON'T NEED A MAN to make you happy. You have to be happy with yourself, secure, confident, and, most importantly, at peace with yourself. Open the Bible and you'll find out what I'm talking about if you don't know any better right now.

Don't be a man'sticket to nowhere. If you wanna date, go on  date, but by no means should you pull the soft, comfy rug out from under your own behind, to accommodate some man and you don't know him from Adam. Take it easy, one step at a time. Make him wonder, let him sweat. If he goes o his merry way, fine and dandy- you didn't need him in your live anyway. If he sticks around, maybe you might have a possbility of somewhting there. (I said, maybe). I hate to sound so harsh, girls, but experience will teach you a few things. Don't make the same mistakes I have made, take the advice from a DIVA that's been through it- if he doesn't have a viable income, a car, credit - Run!

You can do bad all by yourself. Seek comfort in the Lord. He'll never let you fall.

God bless and keep striving, girls.